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July 2007
We all whine. When we whine it feels good because we are releasing frustration, which in turn can help you move forward. Whining can also be very detrimental. It consumes a vast amount of our time with little or no benefit. Whining is a lot like the flu, left unchecked it can spread from one person to the next in no time flat. Unfortunately we can't take a shot of antibiotics or sanitize ourselves against it. However we can manage it.
The main way to manage whining is to ignore it. Usually the whining shrivels up and dies. Please understand that when we feed into listening to the whiner they get the message that they can get their way simply by whining enough to wear us down.
Some whining is simply a cry for support. The whiner is trying to point out how tough the situation is for them. The best thing we can do is to support them in their project and help them believe they can do it. This brings me to my next point. We can listen and guide them. Empathize with how they are feeling and guide them in another direction. In other words guide them to take action that will help them solve the issue or maybe solve an unrelated issue.
Sometimes I like to use drama. Exaggerate what they are saying and tie directly to the end of civilization." What are we going to do"!? Paint an over-the-top picture of doom and gloom. By the time you're done the whiner should be laughing. Laughing is good because it usually means they see the humor in their whining.
Something else we can do is point out their return on investment. Some whiners just need a clear vision of the future. It's like when we were told to clean our rooms we would whine about it until it was brought to our attention that we could go and do something we wanted to do and then usually the whining stopped.
As you start to clean up the whining, don't forget to look at the whiner in the mirror and take your own advice and start to deal with it.
February 2007
Greetings in the name of our Lord. I pray that everyone had a blessed holiday and will have a blessed new year.
Love heals, but love also brings up all the wounds that need healing.
It’s a common scenario: Jack is in recovery from drugs. Jill is in recovery from Jack. It seems that many people in recovery think that if they just had a mate, everything would fall into place. Not so. In actuality, getting into a relationship – even with someone who’s in recovery – is extremely difficult. Each person in the relationship always has extra baggage they bring with them.
Now, I understand that most of the time it starts innocently, doing things as friends usually with others in church or recovery, and I realize at that point everything seems fine. Initially when the next step comes into play and we become romantically involved, things seem to unravel.
The reason things unravel quickly is the closer we get, the more emotionally involved we become, until we finally hit the level of closeness of our wounds. We then begin to fight more which only reinforces the pain. Fear & pain are like that. First, people tend to attract whatever they are afraid of. Then it’s reenacted and reinforced. We then get more hurt because we realize we are not the center of the other person’s universe any longer because the other person has to concentrate on their own excess baggage. We can’t see the forest for the trees. When we were just friends, we could see the hurt the other person had from their wounds, and we could be more compassionate and understanding.
We then get into a mud slinging session, taking each other’s inventory instead of our own. Everyone has history. History brings wounds, hurts, and sometimes unfinished business. Being human can be messy.
We need an awareness that one is acting out of their past wounds. This can help you discount that the other person is not reacting to you, but they are reacting to past wounds and unresolved issues.
November 2006
Greetings in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. I pray this letter finds you doing well both spiritually and mentally.
Well November is already here and December is right around the corner that means there will be a lot of emotions coming up. In lieu of this I would like to share with you a tool I was introduced to some 20 years ago. It's time tested and still very relevant today.
The bombshell theory has changed many a co-dependents life. The bombshell goes like this:
"I can not change another person by direct action":
"I can only change myself, by God's grace."
"Others have a tendency to change in reaction to my change."
As family members we have been consumed with trying to fix or change the addict. We"ve used all of our mental energy on the sickest members of the family, the addict. We spend more time on trying to change them than we do taking care of ourselves.
What makes the bombshell so effective is that all the familiar patterns are challenged, theirs and ours. Let me break this down for you.
1. I can not change another person by direct action, take a minute and think back at how much time and mental energy has been spent trying to change someone. If you're honest then you'll have to admit that what you've done so far hasn't worked. The emotional, physical and spiritual aspects of our lives have truly suffered. We must come to a realization that we can neither change nor control someone by direct action.
2. I can only change myself, by God's grace. We are the only person we can change. We need to examine our responsibilities. We are only responsible for our reactions to the addict's actions.
3. Others have a tendency to change in reaction to my change. Our reactions become very predictable over the years. We have tried over and over again to rescue the addict and clean up their messes in order to avoid any shame and embarrassment to the family. For example the codependent wife treats her addict husband as one of the children. When we start working on our own issues and start making healthy changes the addict also will change.
The whole theory puts the addict in a whole other situation. The addict no longer has someone to take care of him or to clean up his messes; this in turn allows him to become responsible for his own stuff. In His Service, Pastor Joe
October 2006
Greetings in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. I can't believe another month has gone by. It's been very busy around here with the move and all. It took us two full days to make the move to Eatonville and two weeks to settle in and get everything up to Fresh Start Standards.
All in all we did pretty well with the exception of a short fuse here and there. Never-the-less this is home now and we are already trying to think of ways to give back to our new found neighbors. One way we are giving back is by having our homecoming at the Community Center down the street from where we are. It's plain but it is a nice facility with plenty of parking. We are really looking forward to having a big turn out this year since last year we missed it. This gala event will take place on Saturday, November 18th from 7pm to 11pm. Craig Marlatt is going to be our emcee and doing some of his original music, "Hello my name is Joe will you help me?"
I need people to decorate the hall with fall festival decorations, (we may have some left from last time). Make some calls to alumni and maybe bake some cakes, cookies, or other treats. We will also need someone who can take pictures of the event.
We are so very excited about the start of the building construction! To see the changes and to know the growth that will allow us to help more people is awesome! During Homecoming we will be taking up an offering for the new building. With rented facilities we are way over our budget for this year.
September 2006
Greetings in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. On your mark, get set, go! It's been about 1 ½ years since we decided the Lord was telling us to build a new building. I can joyfully testify that we have finally left the starting gate. We will officially vacate the park on the weekend of September 9th and 10th. The demolition starts the very next weekend.
We will be transitioning to a motel in Eatonville for about 9 months to a year and then come back to our beautiful new facility that will be state of the art.
The staff and I have mixed emotions about leaving these fabulous trailers behind. We've only been here 8 years but this place quickly became home. Don't get me wrong I'm looking forward to moving into our new building, but I will miss all the wonderful memories, like 11 septic tanks that have needed our constant attention and who can forget all the tree limbs that have fallen for no apparent reason. I'm going to miss replacing air conditioners (at least 5) every summer. Oh yeah how can I forget the wonderful memories of patching roofs multiple times during rainy season, or the crowded conditions in the chow hall, class room and sleeping quarters.
Seriously though, this place has been a blessing. It is a beautiful scenic piece of property. We will miss baptizing the people in the lake and watching fireworks every night from universal studios.
Many men have called this home over the years and will miss the trailers. When we return to this property we'll have a brand new 17,000 square foot building with a paved driveway and parking lot along with all new landscaping. We will have a program that will be equivalent to any high priced program in the country. It will also be a place we can call home for many years to come.
August 2006
INSPIRATION IN RECOVERY
My Child...
- You may not know me, but I know everything about you...Psalms 139:1
- I know when you sit down and when you rise up...Psalms 139:2
- I am familiar with all your ways... Psalm 139:3
- Even the very hairs on your head are numbered...Matthew 10:29-31
- For you were made in my image... Genesis 1:27
- In me you live and move and have your being...Acts 17:28
- For you are my offspring...Acts 17:28
- I knew you even before you were conceived...Jeremiah 1:4-5
- I chose you when I planned creation... Ephesians 1:11-12
- You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book...
Psalms 139:15-16
- I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live...
Acts 17:26
- You are fearfully and wonderfully made...Psalms 139:14
- I knit you together in your mother's womb...Psalms 139:13
- And brought you forth on the day you were born...Psalms 71:6
- I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me...John 8:41-44
- I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love...
1 John 4:16
- And it is my desire to lavish my love on you...1 John 3:1
- Simply because you are my child and I am your father...1 John 3:1
- I offer you more than your earthly father ever could...Matthew 7:11
- For I am the perfect father...Matthew 5:48
- Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand...James 1:17
- For I am your provider and I meet all your needs...Matthew 6:31-33
- My plan for your future has always been filled with hope...Jeremiah 29:11
- Because I love you with an everlasting love...Jeremiah 31:3
- My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore...
Psalms 139:1718
- And I rejoice over you with singing...Zephaniah 3:17
- I will never stop doing good to you...Jeremiah 32:40
- For you are my treasured possession... Exodus 19:5
- I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul...Jeremiah 32:41
- And I want to show you great and marvelous things...Jeremiah 33:3
- If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me...Deuteronomy 4:29
- Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart...Psalms 37:4
- For it is I who gave you those desires... Philippians 2:13
- I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine...
Ephesians 3:20
- For I am your greatest encourager...2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
- I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles...
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
- When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you...Psalms 34:18
- As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart...
Isaiah 40:11
- One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes...Revelation 21:3-4
- And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth...Rev 21:3-4
- I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus...
John 17:23
- For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed...John 17:26
- He is the exact representation of my being...Hebrews 1:3
- He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you...Romans 8:31
- And to tell you that I am not counting your sins...2 Corinthians 5:18-19
- Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled...2 Corinthians 5:18-19
- His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you...1 John 4:10
- I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love...Romans 8:31-32
- If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me...1 John 2:23
- And nothing will ever separate you from my love again...Romans 8:38-39
- Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen...
Luke 15:7
- I have always been Father, and will always be Father...Ephesians 3:14-15
- My question is...Will you be my child?...John 1:12-13
- I am waiting for you...Luke 15:11-32
Love,
Your Father.
Almighty God
July 2006
Greetings in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I pray that this letter finds you and your family being blessed.
Well who would have thought that the war in Iraq would still be going on 5 years after the attack of the World Trade Center? I mention that only because I want to allude to a saying that has become popular since then. "freedom isn't free". I know that it pertains to all of the men and women who have given their lives so that we can still be free, but I'd like to take it a step further to our recovery from all sorts of addictions.
Most of the people I meet who are looking for recovery want some kind of quick fix. They want everything to be better yesterday. Unfortunately recovery doesn't work that way and neither does our walk with the Lord. But, I will say that recovery is a lot easier with God and Jesus in your life.
There are many times in our life when we are forced to recognize that we alone are not powerful enough to do what needs to be done. There comes a time when we have to realize trying hard, trying harder or even trying our hardest is not good enough.
It may be we need the strength to say "No" or the strength to say "Yes". What ever the situation; everyday we need strength that we ourselves don't have. Jesus is strong; He knows our needs and offers to be our strength. To let Jesus be our strength is to let the "Lord be the Lord" of our lives.
When we try to play God, we invariably fail. The Choice is ours. We can continue with this insanity or we can surrender and let the Lord be the Lord. We can give up our attempts to be strong-our attempts at playing God-and live, instead in a reliance on God's strength.
"Let God be God". There are three convictions we must adhere to.
The first conviction is that we are, by our own nature dependent on the Lord. We need him to help us get through the challenges we face everyday of our life. We need His love, peace, forgiveness, guidance and hope. Letting the Lord be the Lord invites Him to be who He really is. But also it's an invitation to be who we really are-are-a child of the Most High God.
The second conviction is that God is willing, ready and eager to be the Lord in our lives. He is not distant, inaccessible or indifferent. Rather, the Lord wants to be actively involved in our lives.
Finally the last conviction is that our spiritual life begins with receiving from the Lord the good gifts in which He wants us to have. These are basic Christian convictions that closely resemble the 1st 3 steps of the 12 steps of A.A. The short summary, "I can't, God can, I'll let Him". These three simple truths take work on our part.
In the end we find that "freedom isn't free", but it's darn well worth the work.
June 2006
Greetings in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I pray this letter finds you all being blessed in all areas of your lives.
What I feel I need to write about this month is loneliness, many men & women struggle with this. There is a Jewish Proverb that states "loneliness eats into the soul". (The soul is the mind, will & emotions)
Loneliness is not the same as solitude. Solitude is where one is alone by choice usually to reflect, meditate or to enjoy solitary activities such as writing, drawing, reading, etc. Make no mistake about it everyone needs some solitude from time to time. Loneliness is quite different. It's a feeling of dissatisfaction with the quality or the quantity of our relationships with other people. Loneliness can be broken down into 2 distinct types. The first one is social loneliness like when you go to college or take a new job in a new town & are isolated from friends and family. The other type of loneliness is emotional, this is when we feel we have no one to talk to, or understands our deepest concerns & needs. As you can already tell loneliness is all about defeat & solitude is all about victory.
Now let's take a look at how people react to loneliness: First there is active solitude. You know that's when you become engrossed in some activity that you enjoy & that enriches your life. Things like listening to music, reading or exercising. This is a positive reaction to loneliness.
Then of course there is social action, such as calling or visiting a friend or relative or helping someone less fortunate. You know what I'm talking about; a deliberate action that breaks the isolation and involves us with others; again, a positive reaction to our loneliness. The first is distraction; that is when we do something to take our minds off our sense of loneliness such as going for a drive shopping, watching T.V. etc. This solution is temporary at best.
Last is sad passivity, this is where one continues to feel badly and does nothing to positively impact the problem. This almost always leads to a downward spiral of depression. Some signs of depression are sleeping to much, overeating & self medicating. This of course is the most negative reaction to loneliness we can have.
It is my belief that being lonely may be a symptom of a more serious problem and we as Christians need to respond more positively to it. I feel loneliness is being unaware of the One who is with us everywhere. We Christians suffer from loneliness because we are sting around instead of serving. For those of you who are not familiar with the 12 step program I'm talking about step 12.
When a person suffers from loneliness it is an indication that their relationship with God and others may need some work. No one is more qualified to help us in that regard than Jesus Christ. Jesus reconciles us back to God. 2Corinthians 5:18-20 reads all this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the Ministry of Reconciliation. Luke 18:1 one tells us to pray always and never loose heart.
Matthew 5:5-6 says to pray to our Father in secret, where we are one on one with Him.
The scripture also teaches us to serve and build up companionship with others.
If you want to over come loneliness than get up, and serve someone.
May 2006
Greetings in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I pray this letter finds you all doing well spiritually, emotionally and physically.
In the 25 years I've been counseling married couples one problem has always been consistent and that is the fact that most material problems occur when our inner child(King Baby as I like to call him or her), gets defensive because of some unresolved emotional pain.
I suppose that I need to explain King Baby and the characteristics that go along with K.B. K.B. feels they are the center of the universe. If I may, let us return you to a point in time when you felt warmth, security, comfort, freedom, power and all your needs were taken care of. Many of you are asking yourselves the question when was all that in my life at one time. The answer is when you were in your mother's womb. This is why I choose to call our inner child King Baby.
Now because of us continuing to strive for acceptance and seeking things from the outside to feel better inside there are some definite characteristics which define K.B.
The first is that we get angry at or are afraid of authority figures in our lives. You can see how this can become a real problem in the family and at our jobs. Next we are approval seekers and because of this we tend to lose our own identity. We take on the identity of who we think you want us to be. Also, we make good first impressions but we don't have any follow through, so we aren't good for the long haul. K.B. also has difficulty accepting personal criticism and we are a self rejecting bunch. Our little child is always compulsive and immobilized by anger and frustration. Many K.B.'s feel lonely even when surrounded by people and are usually chronic complainers.
To sum it all up we use pleasure seeking, power seeking and attention seeking devices to fill the void within us. No matter what we do the void seems to remain.
Because we have one or more of the K.B. characteristics we tend to see ourselves as being emotionally weak. This occurs because we have tried to stuff down that scared inner child (K.B.) and have denied the adult in us to get in touch with any feelings AT ALL. As we can see the scared little kid is the one calling all the shots. It's for this reason that understanding K.B. difficult. On one hand the scared lonely child doesn't want to hurt anymore and yet on the other hand K.B. is never satisfied so things are never as they appear on the outside.
King Baby is driven by 3 struggles in their life, the first is the struggle for power, the next for attention and the third is for pleasure. What does this all mean you may ask? It means that almost everything K.B. does has strings attached to create indebtedness to themselves from others. K.B. also has a struggle with fear of rejection so they put on different masks to protect them from being hurt.
So I guess you can get a glimpse of how a marriage can go out of control fast. My suggestion is both parties have to be willing to face reality by taking an honest look at the scared boy or girl within. The bible says in 1Corinthians 12:10, That when we are weak He (Jesus) is strong. We also have to come to a point when we are ready to surrender that K.B.to the Lord and give God back his throne.
Remember Philippians 4:6, 7. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Jesus Christ.
April 2006
ADULT CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS
GROUP TEACHING
I. Intro
Families have been and continue to be ravaged by alcoholism and addiction. This series of teachings is not to place blame or to fault find. But rather to identify, acknowledge and educate ourselves so that the family unit is healed and brought to a full restoration in God and Jesus Christ.
II. Alcoholism is not the reason we have adult children of alcoholics; it's that we haven't been taught the PARENTHOOD OF GOD. In other words how God intended the family to be.
A. Most people grew up in some type of dysfunctional home.
B. Compound this with alcohol and drugs and the ACOA is born.
III. There are four common rules of an alcoholic dysfunctional family
1. Rule of rigidity
-Very inflexible
-Everyone responds to the alcoholic's unpredictable behavior, or somtimes unpredictable behavior
-Children aren't allowed to grow emotionally, or they take on the role of the parent in some cases
-Ultimately the child is robbed of his childhood
2. Rule of Silence
-Not allowed to talk about what is really going on in the family (abuse, neglect
-This extends not only to outsiders, but other family members as well.
-Unable to express their feelings. This carries on through adulthood.
-Because there is no talking or sharing of feelings, then there is little chance of change.
3. Rule of Denial
-No one acknowledges that there is a problem.
- This stops any chance of the family getting help
- Family members are frowned upon and conditioned to accept alcoholic behavior as "NORMAL"
-But this is contrary to what you see and hear in the home.
-The outside and the inside don't match. This breeds resentment, anger and fear early on.
4. The rule of isolation
-Alcoholic family is a closed system, no one is let in or out without a fight.
-Family members tend to believe that no one will understand and no one is to be trusted.
-There is an attitude of "US AGAINST THE WORLD"
- Such isolation stays with us and disables us in forming intimate, trusting relationships in adulthood.
-Loneliness is often the best friend of an ACOA
KEY THOUGHT: These rules sound familiar? They should, they are very similar to the rules of the dysfunctional family. DON'T TALK, DON'T FEEL, AND DON'T TRUST. As you can see they go hand in hand.
IV. THE GOOD NEWS!!!!!!!!!! WHAT DOES GOD SAY ABOUT FAMILY?
God's word supercedes these rules!
-Compassionate
-Confess our sins one to another
-The truth will set you free........Who the Son sets free, he is free indeed
-Each of us is a functioning part of the Body of Christ......We belong in fellowship with one another.......ON A REGULAR BASIS!
V. Conclusion
THESE ISSUES ARE REAL IN OUR LIVES, BUT WE CAN OVERCOME THEM. ALCHOLISM HAS BEEN ARGUED THAT IT MAY BE GENETIC IN PART. SOME ALSO SAT IT'S INHERITED. EITHER WAY GOD CAN AND WILL FREE US. BUT WE HAVE TO TAKE THE FIRST STEP. WE HAVE TO ALLOW HIM TO LEAD US, GUIDE US AND STRENGTHEN US THROUGH THE PROCESS. WE DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE SINS OF OUR FATHERS IF WE COME TO GOD OPENLY AND SEEK CHANGE.
Vincent K.
FSM Alumni
March 2006
Greetings in the name of our Lord, I pray that this letter finds you doing well in all areas of your life. Those of us who are here at FSM are doing great. We are still waiting to hear from Orange County as to when we can get started on our new building.
This month I'd like to share with you about a subject that doesn't, (in my opinion) get spoken about enough. The issue of lust is one that is sensitive, but it is killing many of the Christians in recovery.
In Hebrews 2:15 it says, "Free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death." I believe the death that is talked about is more than just physical; I believe it to mean that we die spiritually.
I know the word lust can encompass many things, but I particularly want to talk about the lust of having sex with another person. I guess in this particular case we could paraphrase the passage to read, "Deliver all those who through fear that not lusting will kill them; remain in bondage to an impossible addiction."
For the typical lust addict, our whole system does scream out that we're going to die if we don't have sex. It's much too fearful not to have sex, lust actually becomes our spiritual life support system and yes, the fear is that real. So, we wind up looking for sex & having it one way or the other. We're hooked on it & many remain a slave to it.
This past month I know three men who have decided to return to that slavery. These are men, who up to the time of their lustful decision were, (in my estimation) well on their way in their Christianity & recovery from substances. The sad fact is that many men and women in the recovery movement & in our churches remain in bondage. They are unable or unwilling to connect with the life giver. They can't break through this death barrier & so we shrink back at this death threat, mainly because that attitude & behavior has taken the place of real connection with their Maker.
We have been so bombarded with lust every where we turn that surrendering to the temptation seems impossible.
Make no mistake they have the compulsion of the look, the fantasy or the misconnection, when denied, is in it the very threat of death. The decisive action point of our disease is the instant our temptation, whether it's in the look, memory or the fantasy. That's where we face the feeling of death every time, and it's that fear that resorts us back to our addiction again and again. We feel we have to so we won't die.
We've used, and heard all kinds of formulas on how to deal with lust. The three second rule is the most widely used. What's yours? Please understand lust has nothing to do with duration and everything to do with intent. The intent is what we are. We need salvation from the intent. The word of God says as a man thinks in his heart so is he.
We may have the whole idea of sex addiction backwards. Victory over lust is the real recovery and continued sobriety from acting our sexuality flows from that. If all we're doing is not acting out than we don't have true recovery. We need to be set free from having lust.
This is the impossible to do all by ourselves. We need help from the Lord and being held accountable by other people. We don't need to worry about what's politically correct and worry more about what tools are out there to help us be delivered from lust.
In his service,
Pastor Joe
February 2006
Greetings in he name of our Lord Jesus Christ, as always I pray that you are all blessed and that your needs are being met daily.
I can't believe that it is February already and unless my calendar is wrong, "the month of hearts" is here. February brings to mind many things but to me it's about hearts. There are big ones, little ones, sweet ones, chocolate ones, fuzzy, furry and stuffed ones. None of which I want to share about in this letter. I do, in fact want to share about broken hearts.
We humans can be tough creatures, we can go through health problems, tornados and as we know here in Florida hurricanes, and we can recover. But wound our hearts and we are left devastated.
There are not many things in this world that hurt like a broken heart. It's the blow you never see coming: a long time friend turns their back on you. Someone you love and respect rejects you. Someone you love relapses and goes back to drugs and drinking. The worst one is when you've let somebody in to the deepest private corners of your heart and they say or do something to hurt you at a time when you're most vulnerable. Maybe they did it out of spite and now you're feeling betrayed, empty and alone.
I hate to say it but broken hearts are here to stay. It is all part of being human. We are hardwired to connect with other people and that is part of the problem. We're forming relationships with people who at times make mistakes, act cruel, or even worse just go away.
So is the solution to avoid people, to harden ourselves against relationships that might hurt us? That might work but are we willing to throw out the joy that relationships can bring just to avoid the possibility of pain somewhere down the road. Can we find meaningful relationships with out any strings attached?
That is the real question, is't it? So what is the answer? Take a look through these scriptures and see:
Psalm 34:18
Psalm 147:3
Psalm 69
Proverbs 15:13-15
Now that we've seen what the word says let's dig a little deeper: The pain of his broken heart was almost more than he could bear, but he couldn't just stop and cry. It was the planting season. Spring was in the air but he couldn't smell it. The wild flowers were alive with color but he couldn't see them. The sun had begun to turn warm but he couldn't soak it in.
He finally couldn't bear it any longer, he fell on his knees and his head touched the broken soil, his tears soaked the soil directly under his head, no one heard, no one saw. There was no one to touch, to care, or to say, "I understand".
Imagine such suffering and yet still having to sow. Psalm 126: 5 & 6 reads: those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting. He, who goes to and fro weeping, carrying his bag of seed, shall indeed come again with a shout of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.
Yes, you are hurting unbearably. But, you can't just stop and cry. The seed wouldn't be planted and growth would never come. There would be no fruit to harvest. No, you must sow. You must go on so that the Lord can help you to grow in the areas of your life that need to grow. Yes, chances are there will be no one who really understands.....no one to touch or hold you. It may seem like there is no one who even cares.
Jesus cares. God the father cared enough to let His only son be tortured and die for you. It all comes down to trust. You see trust in your religion is not enough, trust in your goodness or in anything isn't enough either. Trust in anyone won't cut it because humans will let you down. Our trust needs to be in Jesus. He took your hell so He could give you heaven; He's waiting for you to trust Him with everything, especially your broken heart.
Bible versus for further study:
Psalm 119:50
1Peter 5:7
Hebrews 4:15 & 16
Isaiah 41:10
Revelation 21:4
January 2006
EMOTIONAL ABUSE
Emotional abuse if the most common form of abuse and the least talked about. In part the reason this is that it is the most overlooked. Many people consider it a normal and acceptable form of communication. In additional, emotional abuse doesn't appear to be severe or dramatic even though its effects can be.
Unlike physical or sexual abuse, where a single incident constitutes abuse emotional abuse is made up of a series of incidents or a pattern of behavior that occurs over time.
Emotional abuse is a series of repeated incidents whether intentional or not. These insults threatens, isolates, degrades humiliates and or controls another person. Emotional abuse can take place any where and any time: at home, school, in our relationships or at the work place.
Emotional abuse in not only under reported, but it effects are many time minimized. That famous childhood saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me", is the furthest thing from the truth. The fact of the matter is that emotional abuse can be more devastating with long term effects. Emotional abuse cuts to the core of a person, attacking the very essence of who they are.
How can you recognize emotional abuse? Well you need to step back from the situation and examine the overall climate in your workplace and home. Next you must identify the emotional abuse, but remember just because you're feeling those feeling doesn't mean your being abused, there could be something else going on.
If emotional abuse is going on then don't take the blame, stop being victimized and learn what the4 dynamics are (for you), to not own someone else's garage. Find out (through reading the bible), what God thinks about you and your unique set of circumstances.
Remember no matter what's been told to you, or what you have believed (negative words), that's not what the Lord says about you. Accept his love and mercy and be healed.
Pastor Joe
December 2005
Greetings in the name of our Lord and savior, I've been thinking about many of you and pray that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. You all know that I don't do things like everyone else, sometimes I'm a little unorthodox, and this message will be one of those times.
I've seen many Christmas' come and go in my life time and I've heard some 27 Christmas messages as a Christian. I'd like to share with you Christmas as I see it.
There is a new product out called 'Argus'; this innovative system can help blind people to see by providing them with an artificial retina. Most of us will never know what it's like to be blind and live in complete darkness physically, so we can only imagine. As a child I remember playing an unusual game of tag in my friend's basement. I say unusual because the person who was 'It' wore a blind fold and hood over their head. The first time I was 'It', I was very scared and unsure of myself. I didn't know if my friends were down there with me or not. It's my belief that many of us are that way. We have this personal darkness that comes from depression, disillusionment or doubt.
Maybe it originates from a deteriorating relationship, or maybe it comes from having nothing to look forward to, no contribution to make, or no one to love. To find some light in this type of darkness we're going to need more than an Argus System.
The prophet Isaiah certainly knew the deep and disorienting despair when he wrote this scripture, 'for a child has been born for us, a son given to us; authority rests upon his shoulders; and he is named Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. His authority shall grow continually, and there shall be endless peace',(Isaiah 9:6-7).
I believe this child born in Bethlehem marked the beginning of a new era for the human race. Injustice, selfishness and violence were to be replaced by justice, righteousness and peace.
In this Christmas season let's try to see with Jesus' eyes.
So what does it mean to see the world through the eyes of one who was a King but born in a barn among the animals?
The prophet Isaiah gives us a small clue with the four names he attaches to the child king.
First he mentions the name wonderful counselor. This means we see the world with the perspective of the one who is our guide and leader. We aren't forced to figure out everything for ourselves. We have the option to follow the guidance of the one who can lead us down the path of health, wholeness and everlasting salvation.
Secondly we see through these lenses of Jesus, the activity of a mighty God. Yes, I'm already in agreement with you that this can be hard to visualize since Jesus' first appearance is that of a powerless child, but let's not forget that he grows up into a man who goes so far as to conquer sin and death. Remember when you are in the thick of the battle in your own life... with temptation, an obstacle, setback, with a rejection, disappointment or a particularly crushing loss. You have a mighty God leading up the battle who has the strength and the skill to provide real leadership in the heat of battle.
We also need a clear vision of our everlasting father. God isn't an absentee or abusive father. What he is, is a close, caring and attentive father. He is a father who has deep concern for the welfare of his children.
In Matthew 6:26 Jesus says to his first followers, 'Look at the birds of the air, they neither reap, nor sow, nor gather into barns and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?' God will meet your needs, as long as we put time and energy into pursuing his kingdom, and his righteousness.
This is hard for many of us since the only father figure we've known has been anything but loving.
Finally the eyes of Jesus help us to see the world from the perspective of peace. Jesus' mission is to bring peace, prosperity and well being to all people, and furthermore he challenges us to work towards those very same goals. The problem we have is that many times we confuse the interests of our nation with the interest of Jesus.
To see eye to eye with the Prince of Peace is to live 'with justice, and righteousness from this time onward and forevermore', (Isaiah 9:7). We need to embrace these virtues personally, in our community involvement, the way we treat strangers and the way we practice politics.
When you put on a new pair of glasses you see things different. Remember that little child came to save us, so what are you waiting for, begin to see more clearly today. Ask Jesus to be your personal savior, Merry Christmas to all, may you be truly blessed.
In his service,
Pastor Joe
joe@freshstartministries.com
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